"The day he relapsed I lost my husband and was given a stranger. When he died, in that instant the stranger disappeared and I lost my husband all over again"...
It was a Saturday night, mid January, 2008. It was just after midnight, the kids were all in bed, and I was still up reading when the phone rang.
The officer stated her name followed by a few questions. My first thought was “What has he done now?”
You see, after what I had just been through, receiving a phone call from a police officer at 12 o’clock midnight wasn’t that far out of the ordinary.
Let me take you back a bit in the story…
It was the May 24th long weekend. At that time my late husband and I owned our own company and with a project incomplete, my husband had decided to stay behind to finish a job while the kids and I headed up North to spend the long weekend with family.
It was a beautiful weekend, the weather was great; fun times with friends and family and all was well.
Back at home something different was going on. My husband was relapsing to his addiction to crack cocaine.
From there we stepped right into a Hollywood movie.
The painted windows and covered mirrors I had seen in movie scenes had become a reality in my own home. The insanity from his drug induced paranoia became a driving force for crazy stories and a whirlwind of lies. Lies that would become the only topic of conversation. Lies that would leave us all in a state of desperation and disbelief.
By the second week we had left and moved in with friends the next street over where the kids and I would stay until the school season had ended.
And sadly, us leaving our home opened the door for the female companions and fellow users to move in. From there the situation digressed. Along with bad company came bad cheques, payments were bouncing everywhere and eventually both vehicles were repossessed. All income had stopped the weekend of the relapse, anything of value had been pawned and our company assets were sold.
Over the next several months the children and I got ourselves situated back up North. I started a new job, the kids started a new school and we were all keeping our distance from what was going on down in the city.
Now jump ahead seven months and back to the phone call…
The officer proceeded to tell me there had been an accident and my husband had died. She asked me to identify him over the phone by describing his tattoos.
I thought it was a prank call. I called the station back, only to find out it wasn’t a prank. It was real. He was dead.
The day he relapsed I lost my husband and was given a stranger. When he died, in that instant the stranger disappeared and I lost my husband all over again.
The last words I screamed at him in a fit of despair were now screaming back at me “I hate you”; it was the final insult to end the tragic story.
I was done. I needed the pain to stop. I wanted to die.
And then …
Then my Saviour picked me up and He carried me.
♥
Looking back I see His single set of footprints.
I see His strength that carried me in my weakness.
I see His provision that sustained me in my times of need.
I see His love that poured out over me through my pain.
God didn’t spare me from the journey but He gave me what I needed to get through it.
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”1 Peter 5:10 says:
And then …
Then He restored my life and returned what the enemy had stolen one hundred times over! Praise God ♥ He has taken care of my children and is guiding them all on their paths.
I know sometimes it feels like your situation is hopeless. I know that pain. I have lived it. Don’t focus on the storm, focus on your God. Speak out the truths of God instead of the lies of the enemy. Speak of the blessings in your life not of the trials. Speak like a victor not a victim.
Focus on His Word. “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” Psalm 119:105
Focus on His Love. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Focus on His promises. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." Psalm 46:1-3
And remember
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
In Him you are strong. Cling to Him, He is truly the only answer.
Blessings ♥
A song to encourage. ♫♪♪ I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves ♫ ♪♪
© 2023 Michelle Rogers
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